The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
