I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
