Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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