If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
