I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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