Heybabeimwearingurpanties
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
