I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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