i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
