I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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