question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
