my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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