I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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