Princesses don't give blow jobs
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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