Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
