he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
