we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
