He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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