OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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