don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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