my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
