next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
