we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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