LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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