Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
