I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
