brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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