is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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