Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She announced her abortion via fbk
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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