I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
