Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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