Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
