just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My vagina just clenched in fear
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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