The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
