yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
