You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
