You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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