if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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