My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
bring money and cleavage
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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