Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
