Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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