shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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