dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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