my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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