Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
