i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
