insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
