Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
