i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
