So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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