Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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