You made me cry and you don't even care
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
In America we eat man semen.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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