someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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